As many of you know my mother is in an assisted living facility in Auburn. She says she is learning to tolerate it but I have a suspicion there's more than I'm getting from her.
They called me from Morningside today to tell me Mama had taken another spill and was being taken by ambulance to the ER. They said she wasn't happy about going but they felt it was necessary to make sure nothing in her brittle little frame was broken. I agreed and assured them I'd be there shortly to check on her and stay til they let her go. Once again, my friend and lifesaver Ellen came and stayed with the girls. I got to the hospital and was told where to find her, of course she was in X-ray and I had to wait. As they wheeled her in I resolved myself to make this as positive as possible....we've started meeting like this often and usually she sleeps and I stare at the wall. Today she was different! She was almost chipper. She asked why in the world they called me...she knew she hadn't broken anything and I'm so busy.... I told her they were supposed to call me and I didn't mind. She proceeded to explain how she got into this perdicament, this time....she always seems to have a story for her falls. This time she had sprayed air freshener in her bathroom and then spied one of her house shoes and instead of waiting for the bathroom floor to dry she slid across it to retreive her slipper, almost making it a pun. She pushed her emergency button on her little necklace from under her sink....Oh Lord, I have visions of doing this kind of thing myself...In a minute or two she had the director, the nurse, the dietician, two helpers and all her neighbors in her tiny bathroom trying to pry her out from under there. The nurse forbid them all from moving her at all so they called 911 and stuffed pillows under her. I get this vision and have to smile...it's really a wonderful place. She knows they love her and she would be lost back at home.
After her discription of the calamity that ended her up in the ER she said....well the gossips are talking. I'm not sure who the gossips are exactly but apparently Mama has forgotten what she always used to tell me, "If somebody will talk about someone else TO you, you can be sure they will talk ABOUT you TO somebody else". Dang, I thought that was so smart!! It colored my whole opinion of gossip as a young girl. I was always so careful not to join in when someone was being smeared through the mud for fear that tomorrow it would be me they were smearing...now, my mother was admitting she had joined the club and was afraid of what "others" were saying. I asked her what the gossips might be saying about her. She said as solemnly as ever "I'm talking to Fuller". I pinched a big old blue bruise on my leg to keep from laughing out loud. "You are talking to Fuller?" She said yes, I felt like I had gotten a third grade confession out of one of my children. I told her that she should never worry about what other people said. I also told her not to hurt his feelings because I have boys now and I would likely run over any girl who broke their hearts...these old people, they are like preteens! This is the first time Mama has admitted "talking" to anybody since my dad died in 2001. I am so tickled for her. She has started really being concerned about her appearance. I knew that. She even had me buy a ridiculously priced eyeshadow at the mall so she could get a skincare "gift" from one of the cosmetic counters. I hate the mall and even though she thought she was paying for all of it I ended up having to use my debit card because this particular store wouldn't take her check without a drivers license. I didn't want to get into all that with her so I paid $30 for a stupid eyeshadow and she was happy. It's just life with an eighty something.
Back to today, as we arrived in the circle where cars and vans load and unload and little old people sit and watch all that comes and goes she said, "There they are". I ask who "they" were, "The gossips", three little ladies sitting in rockers looking like magpies on a tree limb.They didn't hold candles to the rumormongers I'm sure my mother has faced down before, they looked completely harmless to me. They all stared at the car, I walked around and one of them said "Oh, it's Grace". One of them called out and asked if she was okay. When I replied that nothing was broken and she was going to be fine they spontaneously broke out in applause!
It was the cutest thing! She was getting out of the car and being greeted like a rock star!
Then the door swung open and all the staff poured into the common area to hug and kiss her and ooooh and aaaahh over how she had returned without a cast or anything! It was ridiculous but appropiate at the same time. She was totally in her element.
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION!
Now, she may argue that she misses her "home". I need to remind her that her home consisted of her bedroom and bathroom. She didn't take her meds correctly, hated to cook or clean or do laundry. I didn't check on her regularly enough, didn't pay her bills, didn't pay her any attention and now she has this! I am afraid if the truth was known she would have to be dragged kicking and screaming away from Morningside. Ahhhh, I am breathing again...and laughing my head off too.
Note to my children: If any of you get famous and can afford longterm care insurance, buy it for your daddy and me....we would so let you have our house and move in to one of these places...anybody up for BINGO?
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