Another Year of Blessings

I know it sounds cliche but I am so blessed. I don't take the time to acknowledge the source of my blessing NEAR enough. I have a sign in my kitchen that says "Count Your Blessings" but how often do I forget to read that on my way out to climb in my old car (also a blessing) to pick up two or three of them. Blessings, they are everywhere. I have plenty of stuff I could live without and I'm making an attempt at getting rid of some of it. Some of the stuff I've acquired just stresses me out. I don't need too much in this ADD brain to get me off track of what's important,and I really do want to focus on what is important in this life.
As I've watched the news the past two weeks some of my blessings have become more profound. Can you imagine having no water? We go to the sink and expect to have water, how often I have taken for granted the fact I have safe drinking water. In Haiti water is a luxury. It is the same for the people on Indian Reservations in South Dakota. I heard last night that people are dying there because they have no electricity and are trying to heat their homes with kerosene because it is below 0 degrees. These are the same people our great great grandfathers escorted off their land so we could live in this nice southern climate. These people are so poor and depressed that they have one of the highest suicide rates in the world. I can imagine...if I had to watch my children freeze and go without adequate food and heat I'd be depressed too....the point is I don't have to do without anything I really need. So my car is old, my house has "issues". I have everything I could possibly dream of and more.
I think the one event that changed me more than anything in the last two weeks was the woman in Haiti who was laying on the ground with her head in the lap of one of her sister-friends who was trying to console her. She had lost four children in the initial earthquake and then her fifth at the makeshift hospital. I cannot get this woman's face out of my mind. These people are so poor, they don't care about houses or cars. They've never had much so "stuff" means nothing to them...but, to lose all her babies...they were her hope. They were her future. I'm sure she had dreams of them becoming self sufficient and getting out of poverty, maybe one was a musician and maybe one or two were artists, or fishermen or dancers maybe one of her daughters had learned to sew and was helping the family with clothes. In a matter of moments all her dreams died. I wonder if she knows God. I wonder if she knows he is holding her in his hand. I wonder if there is anyone who can reach her in her grief. I am praying for her today. I am remembering that there is no "thing" I need in this world that can take the place of my Father's love for me.
And I am counting my blessings
Hannah, Micah, Matthan, Seth, Ariel, Cheyenne, Felicity, Aidie, Anderson and all who are to come. Thank you Lord....how could I ask for more.

I'll NEVER Say NEVER

Since last Tuesday I've discovered I am addicted...not to Diet Pepsi or chocolate (although truth be told those would probably fall into the same category) no, my new addiction is to the TV coverage of the earthquake. I don't mean to sound morbid...the death and pain these people are experiencing is heartbreaking. I grieve for them and with them over their loss. I want so badly to do something, anything to help but I'm still not sure what that is. The thing that has grabbed me by the throat is the coverage of the children. I have heard 60% of Haiti's population is under the age of 25. I've also heard there are thousands....THOUSANDS of orphans. We don't really have orphans in this country...we have foster children. We don't really have orphanages...we send them to individual families. The whole reason for this is somewhere in the history of our country someone decided orphanages were a bad idea. I'm certainly not saying I disagree. I'm sure some orphanages were terrible places where no one felt loved and there was never enough to eat. But, I'm not sure foster care is always the best way to go either. Especially the way kids are farmed out to whoever wherever. There are never enough good foster homes (and I know some great ones!) I don't want to get into a debate about foster care vs. orphanages. I have observed some pretty happy looking little children in the videos I've seen of Haiti. They are in need, sometimes hungry, sleeping outdoors but they have what looks like lots of attention. I think most of the orphanages employ Nanny's, maybe in such a poor country it's easy to find young women who will help with the children for a dollar a day. I think this is admirable. I'm sure it would be hard to find that kind of staff in the U.S.
So, as I've watched every night since last Tuesday to see how many orphans are being moved to the airport to be flown to their new homes in our country I wonder...Yes, all my friends are already thinking it...I wonder if any of those little ones are for me. I'm not going looking for trouble..but trouble seems to find me. I'm kidding, I certainly wouldn't refer to these precious babies as trouble.
I'm keeping my mind open and my heart toward God. He will let me know what is next for us. In the meantime, I'm praying for all the little ones who are waiting for what's next for them.

Help for Haiti

I made the comment this morning that I was still tired. I have a sinus infection but haven't been to the doctor, my head hurts and I didn't sleep well. I am not a morning person so I am usually grumpy anyway but as soon as I made the "tired" comment I regretted it. As soon as I got all my kids out the door to school and settled my four year old down in front of PBS I turned on the TV in my bedroom. There on the screen was the picture of reality for several million people in Haiti this morning. They dare not complain of a headache. They have no one to tell if they are tired from sleeping with one eye open from fear..and on the hard ground.
Shame on me for complaining. Shame on me for thinking about myself. In the broad scheme of things my discomfort is nothing! Even the pain I have experienced recently pales in comparison to the woman I saw yesterday in Haiti who lost all five of her children in the earthquake. She collapsed from grief, I can only imagine.
I cannot fathom the pain of losing a single child much less FIVE. God bless her as she wakes up this morning, if she slept at all...how do you comfort someone in pain like that? Only God can give her peace. I pray she knows him.
I have to ask myself what I am being called to do.
My son Matthan has heard a direct call from God to send money to Samaritan's Purse, a ministry already in Haiti. He is also wanting to get in contact with an orphanage there we know about. He really wants to go there. He wants to make a difference to as many people as he can. He doesn't want attention for his work but his teachers have put him in the spotlight. He'll handle it well. He has a very mature understanding of how it's really not about him. It's about God and the people in need.
It doesn't matter to me what these people's ancestors did. Blaming them for this earthquake makes no more sense than blaming me for anything my great grandparents X however many generations go back two hundred years might have done. We don't know what happened with the witchdoctors or satanist...the fact is there was a terrible earthquake.
God is giving his believers an opportunity. Haiti may have been "sold to the devil" in generations past but today we Christian's have a unique opportunity to buy it back for Jesus! They need help. They need basics-water, food, shelter, clothing. They also need the compassion and grace, mercy and love of the God we cling to as Americans. I have joined Matthan's group on facebook, you can too. I am listening to what God may tell me to do to get his word into Haiti. I am not too tired to do what ever he has for me to do.

I noticed something about myself yesterday. I move alot slower than I used to. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised but for some reason I AM. Yesterday I spent the entire day cleaning out my closet. I mean, it was bad but it wasn't ALL DAY bad.
Since I had back surgery in November I haven't really taken on a big project like this. I put it off before because I was in pain for six months so it was long overdue. I pulled everything out and put a bunch of stuff in bags for the thrift store. By the time I finished it was dinner time. I only had a few distractions, picking up Lissy from school, driving Ariel to tennis, laundry, cats and dog wanting in and out, quick trip to the pharmacy, Fred's (for cat food!) and then picking up at dance. I should have had plenty of time but the fact that I move slower than I used to made the endeavor much more agonizing. I LOVE organization but it doesn't love me! I am writing this and looking into my organized closet right now but it is taunting me....it will be messy again soon dispite my best intentions. I dream of getting everything clean and in order all at one time but it never seems to happen. I honestly don't know how anyone does it without being neurotic. I am neurotic about enough things...my house can't join that list.
I am forever buying the home magizines that claim complete organization in five easy steps or one hour, they always leave me disappointed. I have a feeling it would take me a long time to get my messy life organized especially at the rate I'm going.
Of course I'm always up for suggestions.

Mommy Needs A Minute

I was asked yesterday who my target audience is for my stories. I really believe I have something to say to mothers. My initial idea was a devotional book that could be read in just a few minutes and could be uplifting and perhaps funny. One that might set on the back of a toilet and take up just a little time in the morning or whenever. I know as a mother of three tiers of children we mothers have little time to ourselves, especially if we work outside the home and/or have preschoolers! Homeschool moms would fall into this catagory too. Let's face it once a woman becomes a mother it's just not ever gonna be about her anymore! You wonder, you worry, you pray, you share, you yell, you preach, you calm, you reach out but you have little concern for your own needs, you are forever altered. I believe this is the way God wires us, to protect and to nurture. But, who's nurturing you?
Hopefully, since I am a "seasoned" mother I can encourage and uplift younger women. Since I have been made real and pretty much transparent by the love of seven children maybe I can speak some hope to the older mothers who read my stuff. In any light my prayer is to make you laugh, cry or just think about what your life means to God and the ones you love.

"Mommy Needs A Minute"

Day 1
"Bless the Lord, Oh my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name."
Psalm 103:1

When I was in labor with my first boy a friend called the room where I was and asked to speak to me. I was handed the phone and in between panting and deep breathing she told me she had the perfect scripture for me to recite...It was the one above, "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name." She put extra emphasis on ALL THAT IS WITHIN ME...I thought she was joking but she wasn't. I started doing as she suggested, afterall she was the hospital administrator's wife and SHE had actually delivered her third child at home because HE didn't believe her when she said it was time to GO. I figured this woman knew what she was talking about. My baby boy was born just minutes after I began reciting the verse over and over. I guess he wanted to get started blessing the Lord on his own.
This particular Psalm is full of comfort for mothers...telling of what God does for us. "Pardons our iniquities", "Heals all our diseases', "redeems our lives from the pit", "Crowns us with lovingkindness and compassion", and my favorite "satisfies our years with good things so that our youth is renewed like the eagle"
I don't know much that is more rewarding than raising children, even if they are knocking on the bathroom door asking how long you're gonna be in there.
Just remember to tell them "Mommy's praying for you Darling, I'll be out in a few (years) minutes."
Thank the Lord for His blessings, for your children, your husband, your friends...keep this prayer in your mind throughout the day. Remember all He has done for you and share this with others.

Sibling Squabbles

As I sit here on my bed I can hear my little girls arguing in the living room. I made the mistake of telling them they could take the ornaments off the tree....I mean it's January 2 and I haven't done it, surely they are better than nothing plus they volunteered! How often can a mom say her kids want to do something helpful? It was a mistake because I've already heard a couple of the ornaments hit the floor...then a scream, ALWAYS some one's name. I am assured NOTHING BROKE! I am not completely convinced but I'm not going to go see for myself until some body's bleeding. I listen...it's still there, the yap yap yap of three little bossy people.
"That one's mine",
"Stop Ariel",
"Yes I can help! MAMA DIDN'T YOU SAY...".
It happens any time they are together and they have been together a lot lately. We were coming home from the grocery store today and I thought a fist fight had started up in the back of the old Suburban...they were fighting to get out to get the mail. I never thought I'd see the day when I had to give assigned "mail person" day. It's funny the things they fight about! I had to assign them seats in the car so they wouldn't fight over either the window seat or the middle (if a movie was going to be shown) there were enough windows for everyone to get to sit there but they would all want the same one!!
I don't understand sibling rivalry. I had nobody to fight with. The cousins next door would spar with me occasionally but they had so much more experience with each other that they would just hurt my feelings and I'd go home to pout. After a couple of days we'd forget about it and start playing again. I attempt to make the girls apologize and forgive each other when I know what the heck the conflict is about but most of the time it's all so ridiculous I can't make heads or tails of it...like,
"MOM, tell Cheyenne she can't have all the chips".
Well, no Cheyenne can't have all the chips...she has some on her plate and you have some on your plate and...you get the picture. Someone is tattling because someone SAID something...oh and even better...
"She was going to do such and such"
Really? You know what she was going to do? The response to that is usually something like
"Well, she was thinking about it".
It gets very frustrating. I don't remember my older children doing this...at least to the degree these girls do.
One day years ago Matthan and Seth were sitting in the kitchen at the counter. I overheard a dispute that makes me laugh to this day. One said "You see Zack's new dog?" the other, "Yeah, it's a golden receiver", response- "Nuh uh, it's a black lamb". That's about as intense as those two got...until they were teenagers.
Just think what I have to look forward to with three girls during the teen years! If I don't need prayer now I certainly will then!

I Do Hereby Resolve to........

I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions but I feel that I may need to change. After all I am now fifty and I can do what I want, right? I started this blog a year ago with the intention of doing more with it. I'm not exactly sure what the "more" looks like but I feel I have let myself down. I really just discovered that I loved to write and it's taken me all fifty years to have something to say (not that the lack of has ever stopped me). I got this notion that I might write a book but I'm not sure what the story would be...while I was insane from surgery and pain meds I dreamed about a little boy with flaming red hair and his magical green cat. I started writing that down thinking that I was suddenly Stephanie Meyer but as soon as I came out of my Darvacet cloud the story sounded stupid, I mean a green cat? Really? I do have an interesting story in my little girls. I want to record where they came from and what I know of what they've experienced but I don't want to exploit them or their history for anyone's entertainment.
I'm starting to doubt my suspicions about Harper not really writing "To Kill A Mockingbird". Maybe she did just have that one great story. Where is my Truman Capote? I need that push in the right direction.
Back to my resolution...I am going to try to get in better shape...isn't that what I'm suppose to say? AND I want to really find my story and write it! In this, my fiftieth year of life on this planet, when I declare I DO know a thing or two and I have this great laptop and I've brushed up on my typing and I have spell check....I have no excuses do I?
I welcome the suggestions of all my dear friends....
as long as you are not on Darvacet.

The New Decade

I'm having trouble believing it is already the second decade in the "new" millennium. I recently read a book that was set in 1906, what did they call those years? The aughts? The ones? It's hard to hang a tag on anything that starts with a twenty and ends with an 0 something....but now we have the glorious tens! I enjoyed the 0's for the most part. Our older two children finished high school and college and both got married during the "0's", one had a baby. I owned a business, closed it, took on five foster kids and ended up adopting three of them. My mother declined slowly in body and mind during these last ten years...as I have I suppose. When I look at all the wonderful pictures we have of our life together I am so thankful for my family. I earnestly asked God as a child for a big family and he certainly granted my request. I have grown to love my husband more during the last ten years and I've become the proud mom to seven kids instead of the original four.
If I've learned anything in the first decade of the 20? it is to trust God. I know he has my best interest in mind and I find that fascinating. It's not an easy thing, giving up control of your life but it is rewarding beyond belief. I don't worry about what I'm going to do every day. I just put my feet on the floor and God directs my path. Sometimes I wander off in my own direction and I get a poke from the shepherd's staff. I can control very little even if I want to, so why not stay surrendered to the one who knows the last breath I'll take on this earth. I have to remind myself when my boys are out late at night that worry won't keep them safe, God's hand will. But even they have their own lives to work out with their heavenly father. I look forward to seeing what that will look like. I can't add anything to my life by holding on to it with worry. I have to constantly remind myself to just pray for my kids...all of them. This way I am telling the Lord once again that I trust him with my most precious blessings. He actually loves them more than I do, that's a happy thought.
Our pastor gave a message the other week about worry vs faith...he said that faith is the opposite of fear. I love that! I want to live without fear, don't you?
We gave our little fearless child Faith for her middle name because to me SHE is the opposite of fear. She never backs down from anything no matter how big or scary. I know God is going to do something miraculous with her. Maybe another Annie Armstrong or Lottie Moon. She loves people and has a servant's heart.
I am ready for the new decade. I have loved the old one to death...not every minute of it but most of it. I stand at the door of the 20-something's and smile knowing that the one I trust with my whole life is already there.