Greetings From The Circus

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been witnessing something for several months. It began as a natural affection for the tiniest human I'd ever seen, much less held in my hands.I am a foster mother, consequently many of my closest friends are foster mothers too. My good friend Kelly brought home a little precious angel...he had been born many weeks early and needed constant vigilant care. Kelly was God's choice for this child because, as with most foster children the biological mother was not able for whatever reason to handle the responsibilities of a high demand, special needs child. I had talked to Kelly many times at length about what it meant to foster and how she and her family was up to the challenge of taking in children and letting them go when the time was right. This little boy is now 20 months old. The physical therapists and doctors said he wouldn't do near what he's doing now. Kelly's family has challenged him at every stage, made him reach farther and work harder to get him to the place he is today. Last night I witnessed him with the family and extended family at a local restaurant, he was walking all over the place! We are all his cheerleaders. At one point he saw me looking at him and he waved his little hand at me. I waved back and blew him a kiss, he put his hand to his mouth to return the gesture. I wanted to cry.
Kelly has said so many times that she wouldn't let her heart be set on adopting this sweet baby because of some factors none of us have any control over. He is a black child and Kelly's family is white...there is no color separation in this little boy's mind, he has decided in his young life to call Kelly "Mama", she didn't teach him to do this, she tried to get him to call her "Nanny Kelly", he heard her biological children calling her "Mama" so there was no stopping this. Children need to call somebody "Mama" I just believe that is born into them....this boy loves Kelly because all his life she has been his mama. Kelly's family has no problem with him being of another race. They have friends from different ethnic groups and backgrounds, they love him because he is the person he is not because of or in spite of his ethnicity, but there are problems with this in the eyes of some. Another reason Kelly has not wanted to get her heart set on adopting this child is there is a "resource" available who is a family connection. I have no reason to think these people are bad or have any wrong motives for wanting custody of this child but they have not been there all his life. He is still very young, but he is very attached to his present family and attachment continues to be the prevailing factor in foster children's learning problems, emotional instability, poor social interaction and many other issues that effect children in the system. I have experienced this first hand! I have done extensive research and I believe if a child can be placed early in his life in a positive environment where he is stable and LOVED he can thrive in spite of his beginning. This child is a perfect case study for my theory.
He really shouldn't have made it....but he did.
He shouldn't have made the progress he has with Cerebral Palsy.....but he has.
He shouldn't be walking yet.........but he can.
He shouldn't be talking yet........but he does.
Where would this child be without a family who has in spite of themselves fallen deeply in love with him?
Where will he go from here?
My suggestion has been all along, some form of co-parenting. If parental rights are terminated for his biological mother, let Kelly's family keep him. Let the family resource be just that, a resource that has some input in his life and plays a part in his upbringing. Every child benefits from more adults and extended family loving him. It is just not morally right to strip him from the only home he's known. We have all seen the heartbreaking scenes on the news of caseworkers tearing a toddler out of another families arms while the child has a total breakdown. Why would anyone want to do that? It is a terribly selfish act on the part of the adults.
Bottom line, I saw this little boy in the middle of his "real" family last night...Kelly's immediate family and those of us who would also grieve the loss if he had to be removed from their home. I know he will suffer a tremendous, possibly irreversible setback if he is not adopted by my sweet selfless friend.
We hear "best interest of the child" all the time....adoption by present foster family IS best interest for this child.